dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
