if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
