Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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