We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
