I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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