Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
