remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
