Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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