found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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