so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
