youre lurking in front of me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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