Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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