what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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