i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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