so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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