3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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