You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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