just tell him i said nine months
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
