Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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