Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
