What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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