dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
