Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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