i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
