Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am one with the molecules
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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