I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
