My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
