The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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