Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
