Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was like eating out sand paper
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
True strength comes from lack of pants
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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