Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
