you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
