Swine flu. Run for my life!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
