This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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