I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
