drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
