This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
