just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I pour the whiskey from now on
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
