I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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