Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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