i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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