I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
