I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
