Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
