Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
