The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
