were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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