Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This baby is an asshole
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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