Porn is love you can see.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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