You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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