I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
