Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
